10 things you didn't know about me!!!!!!

Okey dokey I was tagged my the lovely Nicole from Birthography to share a little about myself. To those that know me - I am a pretty private person ( and in fact I could probably write a book of strange random things nobody knows) but hey what the hell - its all fun right :)

1. I am turning 40 this year and trust me I don't share this one lightly LOL. I am starting to feel old :(

2. I haven't seen my father in 20 years, and still after all these years and despite him being an real a-hole I feel a real void for not having a father/grandfather in mine and my childrens lives despite the fact he doesn't even know or care that they exist.

3. I suck at sports and video games of EVERY kind

4. I don't make friends easily......I try and I try but I am awkward along with any number of other things that seems to put people off and it just doesn't work well in real life - BUT I have made some lovely people on line that I really do consider friends even if I have never and probably will never meet.

5. My kids drive me insane EVERY day, but I love em and wouldn't change them for the world for all their feral, crazy, loud, quirky ways - they are mine, I made them and I love them.

6. I was a chef in my previous life, and I was good, but somewhere along the way I lost the love of food and now my husband cooks every night. Now I am a clinical coder ( google it ) LOL

7. My 2 favourite non people related thing is the colour green and trees, Just love love love all things to do with trees and anything and everything that is green :)

8. I swear ( a lot ) - feels like something that I need to change

9. I have a really ugly mongrel dog called Murphy, she is the kind that is so ugly she is cute. She is very unique - her father was a ridgeback and she has a heart shaped ridge on her back, her mother was the skinniest kelpie you have ever seen and she is the same and has the ability to wiggle her back end around so much when she gets excited she is U shaped ( yes she can get her bum up around near her head )

10. I consider myself a loyal Queenslander but I was actually born in Whyalla, South Australia and raised mostly in Adelaide.

So there you have it - 10 things you probably didn't know about me. I am going to drop the lovely Emma from tiny violet,  the talented Alysha from  Inkidink and hmmmm who else ....... how about Rhoda from Draigerai in it. Have fun girls <3

And we have a winner

Thankyou one and all who entered my first little giveaway. I am hoping to do these regularly so spread the word.

Anyway for those who haven't seen it on Facebook yet - drumroll please ............ the winner is Niki (mama koala). Congratulations I have sent an email so all I need now is your postal address and I will send it off for you :)

 names in a bowl

drawn by Tanner the old fashioned way

xx

GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I am shouting - its GIVEAWAY  time - happy dance, happy dance

I have been thinking I might aim for a little giveaway every month but don't hold me to it, I have a habit of making these little pledges and then forgetting half way through. I am quite happy for anyone to give me a little poke if I need one though :)

Okay down to the serious business - This is what is up for grabs - Size 3 Christmas T-shirt. Brand new and just for you <3 . If you would like to be in the running to win this shirt - simply comment on this blog post with our name and some way for me to contact you. . Easy right? Want another entry - simply hit the follow button and follow along - Its not the most interesting blog on the block but I promise I will try to be a better blogger lol.

Anyway comment away, let your friends know - even if its not the right size for your little one - maybe you have a friend who might like it. And remember totally free - I'll even cover the post.

Cheers
xx

The Truth

I have debated with myself whether I should post this or not but oh well here goes....

The time has come to be honest, and open

- I am not superwoman
- My house is a disaster
- I do not have it all together
- I am angry too often
- I yell far far too much
- I do not feel enough

I have post natal depression..............................................

It has taken me a while to acknowledge this to myself, and now I am saying it outloud. I am hoping by saying it out loud, owning it that I can begin to take control of my life and start to become the person that I was - maybe even better than I was.

Why you ask have I decided to share this very personal piece of myself.........honestly I don't know, it feels right. I want to know I am not alone. I want to hear it will be okay. I need to do this for my family, I need to be better - a better mother, a better wife, a better me.

I know in my heart I have just taken the first step, and thats all I can do - one foot in front of the other, one step at a time

xx

My Other Life

I thought today as a nurse a sick baby ( and can't do much of anything else except type one handed) that I might write a little about "my other life" - my life away from CouCou/sewing and Facebook.

My goal/dream is to live a simple life - where we make what we can, mend rather than replace, grow our own food and basically tread as lightly as possible on the earth.

We left the hustle, bustle of the Gold Coast with this idea very much in our minds - moved into a rented house on 17acres with very grand plans. Well we got off to a flying start planting out vege gardens, buying some pigs and chickens, making our own bread, jams etc. Today things are a little different - I still want all those things - even more than I did before - but I have learned a few things - okay a lot of things about myself and we will be starting again from scratch very soon I hope.

Firstly I learnt - I hate renting, now I know it works for lots of people but going from our own home to renting has proven difficult for me. It doesn't feel like mine and I can't fully relax here. Don't get me wrong I love this ramshackle little run down place - but I am never fully comfortable. I worry what the kids are going to break, draw on, or ruin next. I don't want to spend money on planting trees and veges knowing I could be asked to leave at any time.

Second lesson - we don't like pigs much, sure the piglets are cute, but they eat a lot, are smelly, and not very cooperative. We no longer have pigs, we sold some piglets but most of them and their parents were given away. Happily the mums and dads went to a not for profit organisation that teaches school kids about farm animals etc and they will breed from them again.

Lesson 3 - I like to jump in at the deep end when I should be taking baby steps. I try to do it ALL now and end up burning myself out.

So where are we now - we are looking to sell our Gold Coast property and buying somewhere to turn into OUR home again. We don't want much - I don't need all the bells and whistles - just needs to fit us all in and have a bit of land :). I have also learned that we can't afford the kind of land that i would like so my dream of a milking cow is out the window, but instead will focus on trying to find someone to supply me with raw milk.
I still make most of our food from scratch but have noticed more convenience foods creeping in to our diet, which is okay but would like to reduce that again. I am very proudly still shampoo free and will soon start making my own soap and laudry detergent.

I just can't wait to stop working and have more time in my day to little by little start back on the road to my dreams. The biggest lesson for me so far has been - one day at a time and that those changes that I make slowly and gradually are the ones that stick. No more jumping in the deep end - I will make changes one at a time and when that becomes habit, I will make another change.

xx

Constellation Kids

In case you haven't heard I/we have taken the big brave step of getting our own website - very professional - yes I know. Constellation Kids is designed to be your one stop handmade shop for clothing, cloth nappies and accessories - and just between you and me I am sure if you don't find it one of us can make it :).

We have a slightly different concept than the other mall and multi seller type stores. In the past the other places have either been a mall with each seller doing their own thing or multiple stores doing themed stockings. Our concept is a little different in that each store can and will stock whenever they can but we will also have market nights or stockings all together as well.

Just quietly I am very proud of what we have put together - each of us has our own strengths and specialises in different products - the 4 of us are a perfect combination :)

Anyway without further ado - I will introduce you to the other constellation kids members in case you are not familiar with them :)

Alysha from Inkidink has a great selection of both boys and girls clothes
Rhoda from Draigerai does awesome work with knit fabrics - I can't wait to get my hands on some of her hoodies for my boys
Susan from Nifty Naps makes gorgeous cloth nappies and her ultimate blankets - well you need to see them to believe them

And just to top it off we are sponsers of The cloth nappy hunt so exciting times ahead ++++. If you are not a clothie or even if you are - if you are not familiar with the nappy hunt  I suggest you click on the link and check it out - it runs for the month of September and is a lot of fun, you don't need to be a cloth nappy user to take part. You can discover a lot of great stores and also informative sites that you may not of been aware of, and even test your brain as some of those pesky icons can be hard to find. And the best part - most sponsers offer some kind of discount so its a great time to start Christmas shopping.

And last but not least shameless plug - stop by the Facebook page to stay up to date with everything

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/ConstellationKids

xx

more thinking.......

My goodness I have been very pensive this week.....

I still haven't decided on the future of my multiple blog dilemma, I know people who who are very open and honest with their blogs and others who are more private and professional and it works perfectly for them.....but what is right for me?......still deciding although my gut is telling me to think less and just go with the flow.....

My other ponderings this week has been due to a blog post I read here - it has really struck a chord. So I keep going around in circles, what sets me apart? will I ever find that freedom? Am I/will I ever really be good enough?

It was with this in mind that I made a bold choice this week ( well bold for me) and turned down a customers request. I will for now at least be concentrating on what I do now and doing it well. I am already spreading myself thin so I want to do what I do well and not always looking for something new. There will be new things but in my own time, at my pace with no pressure. This week I was asked to make a couple of new things and I do appreciate the offer however I just said NO and referred them on to someone I thought would do it justice. I have always said I would NEVER make a ruffled nappy cover - they are cute and all but not my thing really - there are so many people making them and doing an amazing job I might add that I felt that it wasn't something for me - I felt no passion for it, the other was a breast feeding cover - now no disrespect to those that use them I totally understand, but again I have no passion for them, in fact I tend to lean towards a distinct dislike for them - in my ideal world everyone would breastfeed in public with no need to cover up or hide what they are doing, there would be no judgement or little snide comments ( and the public breastfeeders amongst us know what I mean ), we can dream about the perfect world right?

Anyway my point is that I do love my jeans set - hey I love denim - ask anyone its a rare day when you will see me in something other than jeans lol. I love seeing my boys in them and I love thinking of new combinations of embroideries, cottons etc. The same for softie sets etc.

Now before I sign off for tonight I need to have a BIG humungous BUT in here - Please do not hesitate to ask me for something, a custom, something different, chances are I will do it, but maybe just maybe I might say No - please don't be offended, I will always point you in the direction of someone better - trust me.

Now the final thing I want to say on the matter is there are 3 of you - well 2 who I know read this - 1 not sure but there are 3 very very very special people who I have worked with a lot since starting this little dream and you know what - I would do anything for you -  really -  cos without you 3 I would have given it away by now I am quite sure. I hope you know who you are - I will be forever grateful.

Okay now that I have all that off my chest I am putting on my thinking cap to work on something special for a charity auction, stay tuned for more info on that - I am hoping you will get behind it :)

Back soon
xxx
CouCou

blogging

As I sit here unpicking a major disaster I am thinking about my blog or blogs. I enjoy blogging - I need to write things down, to remember, to vent, for fun but lets face it I am only just keeping my head above water at the moment in a number of ways.
So I am sitting here pondering the direction of my blogs - should I continue with multiple blogs for mulitple purposes or should I just throw it all in together and come what may. I am by nature an intensely private person - I have a blog where I can pour my heart out, cry, rant, stress etc etc, but can I do that here or should a business blog be just that all business and nothing personal. Or is the person behind the business important too - warts and all - or is personal only okay if its a good personal and not the potentially nasty, sad, petty ins and outs of life.

My warts and all blog honestly hasn't had much use - I am pretty boring, my life is pretty boring so I don't really have a lot of juicy stuff to keep secret, my blog that all the relatives know about is getting less and less use - mainly for the above reason - I'm boring.

Don't get me wrong I may be boring but I do like to whine, whinge and sook and do you really want to know about my weird family, marriage/money problems and feral children.

Yes much to consider indeed.

I have finished some work this week - I have finished the beautiful Kristie custom order but of course took no photos - yes I'm a big dufus sometimes. Petrina yours is finished too - just need to package it up and invoice - mental note to self - take photos :) And of course the loveliest Grandma of them all - Rox yours will be complete this week when I get the top.

Next cabs off the ranks are the other custom order for Kristie and Rox. My 2 regular customers <3. And thats the end of the custom list right now so expect to see some new things listed soon. Half finished today was the pants part of a set - it is sadly a slight second ( the only fault being I started to sew the buttonholes for adjustable elastic on the wrong side but it doesn't affect anything and is not visible). I debated selling  as I'm not sure at this stage of my business that I should be selling too many seconds but meh - everyone makes mistakes right? Anyway the fairy set will be listed shortly

I am as we speak working on a little owl pinafore size 2 again. Look out for her shortly too.

After those are done - I'm not sure - I guess we will see where the wind takes us <3

xxx

One week down......

23 to go - assuming I make the whole 6 months that is lol.

I think my husband was a little concerned that I would go back to work and enjoy it again and change my mind about a different direction.......well he need not have worried!!!!!!!!

We have talked for a long time about a more simple, sustainable life, one where we make everything we can from scratch, grow our own food, slow down and not be such a slave to the almighty dollar. We do this to some extent now, I try to make a lot of things but I do fall off the wagon from time to time - my maternity leave being a huge fall off the wagon - the amount of junk food consumed was ridiculous and I'm not proud of it.

It is with this in mind that we plan to sell our house and buy something small and cheap, no it won't be easy with 6 kids but I am looking forward to it. So it seems silly to then say in celebration of us deciding to slow down etc we decided to buy something. Something I have wanted for a long time but never really got around to getting. I'm a bit of a tightarse, the husband much less so - so it took quite some convincing on his behalf to let this marvel come home with us, but needless to say now that she is here I keep dreaming of all the wonderful things I can do......breadcrumbs, peanut butter, mince........

Already she has been put to good use - making 2 whole orange cakes from here http://down---to---earth.blogspot.com/2010/06/whole-orange-cake.html, chopped everything for 2 potato bakes and minced a whole rump.

Anyway I'm sure you didn't come here to listen to me ramble on a bout a food processor. I am still adjusting to work routine and as such didn't get a whole lot of sewing this week. Also I am waiting on some denim to arrive which has slowed me down too. I am hoping I can knuckle down this week and actually finish a few things. Kristie your order is almost complete, Petrina starting yours tonight and Rox and soon as this blasted denim gets here then yours is next cab off the rank :).

Macallum modelling his pirate cord set - red, sore conjuctivitis eyes and all - gotta love him <3. I am hoping in amogst everything too I can test out a new product I think is very cute and hope others think so too :D

And a little boy owl by request who went to his loving new home this week

I think thats about it this week in summary at the CouCou household......oh just quickly I almost forgot - a new logo is in the works and fingers crossed will be ready shortly ......yay


xxx

Sad sad day

This is how I feel today - tomorrow is D day - the day I have been dreading - yes tomorrow morning at 8am I will be at work again. I have shed a lot of tears and daresay there will be a few more in the next week or so BUT when I am thinking more clearly I manage to tell myself  that it is temporary and the sooner I go back the sooner I can quit. I have always struggled to go back after maternity leave but not like this - I think because this time I have a purpose, I know what I want to be doing and how I want my/our lives to be.

Anyway lets move on from misery.....

One of the new items I made this week, my boys are in love with this, I am hoping other people will be too. It's been so far so good for getting Hudson to clean up his toys, big thumbs up there :D

Who doesn't love Dr Suess? The books are so much fun to read - and I love this outfit, really must add some for my little boys to my to-do list.
Anyway as of today emails and enquiries will only be answered first thing in the mornings or at night. I hope that's okay with people.
Keep your fingers crossed our house goes on the market soon and we get a great price - okay how about just that it sells pretty quickly, hoping for a great price is a bit unrealistic in this market lol.

xxx

3 reasons to be glad its winter

lets start by saying I am NOT a fan of the cold, thats part of the reason I moved to QLD after all.
1. Thank God for jeans - I just realised my baby is 14 weeks old and I haven't shaved my legs since the day before he was born.
2. The kids sleep later, well not so great on school days but heaven on the weekends
3. Beanies - need I say more

I am struggling with this cold weather, its even making me daydream about a move further north lol

oh and I just thought of another happy winter thought - I have been trying to adjust my body clock. I had gotten into the habit of going to bed around 8.30 - 9 with the baby, but realised with my looming return to work that after this time nights will be my main sewing time, so I have taken to having a long hot shower after all the squidlets are sound asleep, aaaahhhhh its heaven - previously my showers consisted of various kids coming in to ask random questions or just talk in general, while I appreciate the chit chat with them - it just doesn't compare to a few minutes of hot water shower bliss :)

Next week I return to full time work :( and to say I am extremely upset would be an understatement - I had every intention of only going back part time, well the things that needed to be done to enable that to happen haven't happened YET. With a big emphasis on the yet!!!!! And the difference now is that I have decided I no longer want to work out of the home at all, so my revised plan is to quit my job by the end of the year :).

I worked on a couple of different things last week and it was fun - I swore I was not going to get into the ruffle thing, but I did and I loved it. Although I will still say there will be no ruffled bloomers from me :).

I have a couple of new things I am trying hard to get perfected and listed and I can say that both of these products I adore and I hope they will be a big hit.Along with those I am trying to get a few boy things made since last week was all about the boys. I am very worried about how I am going to find the time for everything come next week - but as they say where there is a will there is a way!!!

oh and before I sign off, next goal as far as fans go is 500 - how long do you think? - we seem to have stalled where we are for now.

Stay tuned people

xxx

better

I did promise a sunshiney happy post didn't I? Does it get anymore sunshiney than this gorgeous pic?

Seriously though I think I am getting better within myself at just taking things as they come, so thats a good thing. I didn't reach the goal I had set for myself this week - BUT I did do better than last week so I am happy with that. I think this weeks goal will stay the same as last weeks and we will see how we go :D. Another positive for the week - or 2 weeks really - it took less than 2 weeks to get to 200 fans YAY really really happy with that - next goal as far as that is concerned 500 - how long do you think that will take?

I have ideas in my head that I don't seem to be getting the time to put together but I keep writing them down in the knowledge I will get to them eventually. I also have another idea - but that will be dependant on other people so thats still really in my head more than anything.

I made this for a swap - the other half of the swap I chickened out and bought something - I wish I hadn't now but live and learn right!!

I have been toying with the idea of a market stall - there are a couple of specialised handmade/baby/childrens markets coming to my town soon. But I am not much of a people person, so that it something I would have to work on. Ideally i would share a stall with someone but I don't know anyone here. Also the $$$ outlay involved in not just the cost of the stall but stock etc is huge - well to me it is lol. I have decided to go along to these markets and check them out first and see if its something that will be worth my while in the future.

Anyway its time to get off my but, get back to the family, do some baking for the school week and fingers crossed some sewing today.

xxx

crash and burn

Now let me start by saying I have no intention of turning this blog into one long moan about everything - I have another blog for that lol :).

But this week I am struggling. I am overly emotional and bursting into tears at the drop of a hat - anyone would think I was pregnant haha - No I am not pregnant - we are a 6 kid family end of story lol - not sure I could handle anymore for a number of reasons. Although Darren says he is still not convinced and has reneged on the promise of a vasectomy saying he is worried I am not ready for that. Hmmmm I think he is just chicken :D

One reason for my emotion is yesterday I had heard the news that a police officer on the Gold Coast was shot, I watched the story and was upset and mad. Later that night I was sitting watching TV, knitting when the same story came on - I looked up and there was his face - someone I knew - not really a friend but we worked together years ago - he was even in theatre for the birth on one of my children. Words can't explain how I feel, I don't even understand it myself. I am heartbroken for his family, his wife, his children. He had a daughter about the same age as my youngest, I just look at my Sawyer and cry and think of his Grace.

I remember a gentle, happy, reserved guy who wanted so badly to be a cop. A triathlete who worked hard to achieve his goals. Its been quite a few years since I even thought of Damien and I am positive he wouldn't even remember my name so why am I so affected by this?????????



Another thing bringing me down is my impending return to work from maternity leave. I was determined that I was not going to return to full time work - well guess what I am. You have no idea how badly I do not want to return. You have no idea how mad I am at myself for not doing what needed to be done during this time. But I guess I just have to accept that my goals haven't changed they may just be delayed a little.

which brings me to my last issue - CouCou - I am worried when i return to work I won't be able to devote enough time to it. I really want this to turn into something, not a multimillion dollar enterprise - just to earn a little extra to facilitate my ability to stay home at least part time. I am worried that I am not good enough - that people just don't like "me" I have disappointed there has been not a lot of interest. I'm not really sure what I expected to be honest and I am extremely grateful for the interest I have had - I'm not sure what I should be doing or what I am doing wrong - I guess its all a learning curve. Like I said before I am trying to take it as it comes and not take it personally but I will admit I am struggling with it. My husband has always said that i need to just put myself out there and the rest will happen but you know what I'm not so sure. ARRRRGGGGG the self doubt is killing me.

OKay so that's it my official woe is me post. I apologise. I promise the next post will be a happy smiley sunshiney post - really it will :)

one week

one week since we kicked off, and what a week its been. As I suspected its already been a bit of a rollercoaster for me. In just a week we have surpassed 100 likers - thats more than I hoped for and it is largely due to a special friend but meh at this point I'll take it anyway I can get it lol

One thing I will have to learn is to just take it as it comes. I tend to take all things personally and must stop myself from overanalysing everything....why didn't that sell?, don't they like my stuff?, is my sewing up to scratch? on and on it goes - but thats just me I've always been worried about people liking me. Its been something I've been working on for a while now - all I want is to be myself, my true self which may not be the me some people are used to but slowly as I get older I am starting to like the real me and I really care much less than I did if anyone else does. Although I happen to think I'm pretty cool hehehe.

Anyway I am rambling - I tend to do that :) . I know that I am for the most part I am enjoying it because I lay awake at night with ideas running through my head - sad but true!!!! I need a mantra I think to repeat to myself when I am having a moment but I am learning and thats never a bad thing right? 
My goal for the first week was 100 likers - didn't think I'd get there but we did, Hmmm goal for week 2 let me think on that - well I do have one in mind but I'm not sure I want to share it hehe - gotta keep some things to myself right?

Anyway until next time

xxx

A new journey begins

So it has officially started - I bit the bullet and opened a facebook page selling some of the things I have made. I hope everyone comes by and likes it and maybe leaves a little comment even just to say Hi.

I have no idea why I am so nervous, well I do really I am quite sure its the insecurity coming out. I am always/have always worried that people won't like what i make, that its not good enough, that it just doesan't measure up in any way, but with some convincing from my husband I have made what is for me a huge step in just putting myself out there and opening myself up for criticism.

So I am hoping you will join me on this new path, it may not always go smoothly but lets hope its always fun.

Welcome to the wonderful world of CouCou